Lead Me
by Seiji and Shizuku 4ever
Summary: Max reflects on what it means to be a true leader to her Flock. Maybe sometimes, a good leader needs to be led herself. Oneshot/songfic.


**A/N: Helluu! 83 This be mah first Maximum Ride fanfic! YAYY! XD My cousin and sister got me addicted to the series; now I wuvs it! =DD The series is so flipping hilarious..xD Anywhoozle, I got the idea for this songfic from my sister, Caraqueen. ^^ She says that everytime the song "Lead Me" by Sanctus Real (awesome song) comes on the radio, she thinks of Max and the Flock. So my plot bunnies were put to work. xDD I really don't like the way this turned out, but I hope you readers enjoy it. I might not have been in character with Max at some (or a lot) parts, but oh well. I tried. x3 I'm not sure when this oneshot takes place. Not really at the beginning, but not at the end either.**

**Disclaimer: I DUN OWN MAXIMUM RIDE. If I did, Brigid would go boom and the book Fang would not be in EXISTENCE! DX**

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I try to be a good leader. I do. I mean, it's not normal for a fourteen-year-old girl to be responsible for five lives, not including her own. It's hard to have all the obligations heaped up on me, but I do my best to take it in stride.

It's awesome having a big family and taking care of them, don't get me wrong. It's just... well, to say the least, I have my bad days. Times when it feels like they don't acknowledge or appreciate anything I do for them and complain in return. ..It gets difficult.

..And even though I've _never _shared this with anyone... sometimes I wish..that I don't have to be in charge of them. Is that totally selfish of me or what? It's not like I _want _to feel that way. I just _do._

But I wouldn't trade my family of mutant hybrids for anything, in spite of it all.

_"I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes.. they're just children, from the outside.."_

Sometimes I tend to forget that my Flock is still just a bunch of kids...definitely not normal ones, but kids nonetheless. They have the same feelings, the same little-kid quirks.

Sometimes when we're on the run, Gazzy, Angel, and Nudge seem older than their tender years.. and it really depresses me to think of what they've missed. Kids their age should be worried about school and toys and junk, not about when or what our next meal is going to be. They don't deserve what they go through. They deserve _lives. _Normal, fun ones.

..They're all still innocent, in their own ways. Sometimes I forget that in the light of all we've been through.

_"I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine..they're independent."_

I can't even begin to count how many times I've just not cared. Simply just never taking the time to see if everyone was ok, how they're feeling...I just get so caught up in _me, my _problems, and what _I _have to do. Sometimes I'm a person that will strike if provoked (ok, _more _than sometimes) and the kind _of _person that doesn't like to have a lot to deal with.

I tell myself that they're mature enough to handle whatever life throws at them, but, the majority of the time, they're not. They may be independent all in their own ways, but whether they know it or not, they're all dependent on _me. _That's what it always comes down to.

_"But on the inside, I can hear them saying.._

_'Lead me with strong hands,_

_Stand up when I can't..'"_

I've learned that sometimes, it's better to have the choice made for you rather than to have all the pressure of it on you. I know the Flock knows that, deep down.

Every time I'm faced with a decision, I try to keep in mind how it'll affect every member of my tightknit family. That's what I base my choices on- the wellbeing of the Flock.

Because always, no matter what, the Flock comes first. Always.

_"'Don't leave me hungry for love, chasing dreams... but what about us?'"_

I remember the time Nudge left us temporarily to go to school, and Iggy to live with his parents. I still have to remind myself that the Flock has dreams too. Dreams all their own. Even if that doesn't include me tagging along. I have to learn to let them go when it's time...and to cherish my time with them while it's not.

_"'Show me you're willing to fight..'"_

I'd lay down my life for the Flock in a heartbeat. No question. I've risked it too many times to count. I've fought for them on thousands of occasions. Always, their protection was on my mind while I was doing it. For them.

But the question is- do _they _know that?

_"'That I'm still the love of your life..'"_

Fang. Who could read me like a book with just one glance. Whose dark, mysterious eyes entered my dreams at night. Who had always been there, since the beginning.

To be honest, sometimes I purposely leave Fang out. Deliberately try to push him away, build up a guard that he can't penetrate through. It's just.. everyone I've ever trusted and loved with my whole heart just end up hurting me in the long run. (Take Jeb, for instance.) ..And also, I'm afraid that it'll hurt too much when I lose Fang. As genetic experiments, our lives aren't meant to last very long. ...I guess I'm just too scared to take the risk of loving him wholeheartedly. There, I said it. I'm _scared. _Happy?

..But I've got to stop living in fear. I of all people should know that.

_"'I know we call this our home, but I still feel alone.'"_

We'd never really ever had a permanent home, except for maybe the one we had before Angel was kidnapped by the Erasers. The one Jeb had raised us in.. Or even the temporary one we had with Anne, if you want to count that. (Even if she was a freaking _traitor._)

Honestly, I think the idea of a real home depresses the Flock. Makes them remember Jeb, before he turned out to be a backstabbing jerkwad. I know it does me.

But _not _having one just makes us even lonelier.

_"So Father, give me the strength to be everything I'm called to be.."_

I can remember that prayer I said at that ancient cathedral in New York.. I committed it to memory in my mind. I say it to myself all the time, ever too aware of my duty. _Uh...dear...God, help me be a better leader, a better person...make me braver, stronger, smarter...help me take care of the flock. Help me find some answers...uh, thanks._

They're always the first priority on my mind..always. And, between you and me, I say that prayer all the time. Nearly every day, in fact.

_"Show me the way to lead them...won't you lead me?"_

..But maybe I don't have to do this alone. Maybe I could use a little help. ..As much as my pride _hates _that idea, I need to do it.

A good leader learns to submit.

_"To lead them with strong hands,_

_To stand up when they can't._

_Don't leave them hungry for love,_

_Chasing things..that I could give up._

_Show them I'm willing to fight,_

_And give them the best of my life._

_So we can call this our home.."_

I'm determined to make this count. No more screw-ups on my part. I'm gonna be a better leader, from here on out. Because with us, you never know which day is going to be your last.

..Well, it' s now or never. I went to go find Fang. He turns, as if expecting me. I guess I look pretty shaken up from my thinking time, because his dark eyebrows knit together in concern. "What is it, Max?"

_"Lead me..'cause I can't do this alone."_

He smirks, that know-it-all, cool-guy, smug one that I love. "Thought you'd never ask."

..Maybe sometimes, a leader needs to be led.

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**A/N: So? Was it ok? Did you guys like it? ^_^ I had fun writing it, even if it did turn out epic fail. But hey, if you're gonna fail, might as well make it epic, right? xDDD Lolz. Please review, I'd appreciate some honest feedback! :3 Thankies!**


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